Where Am I?

I woke up this morning in a near panic attack.

I left the address of my first meeting this morning at work over the weekend. I didn't even have a contact name or cell phone number. I knew I could get driving directions off the Internet, but I still felt disheveled and out of sorts.

As soon as I resolved that mini-crisis, I remembered a meeting I had scheduled for this evening. Fortunately, I prepared for it on Friday so that's pretty much taken care of.

I just feel like my life is completely out of balance today. And I have no idea if it'll ever be balanced again.

I know it will eventually, I just don't know when.

Part of the problem is my tendency to want to control things. I don't listen to the radio because I don't know which song will be played next. Hence the iPod addiction.

I have to keep and organized day planner on my desk or else I won't know what to do next.

Weird thing is - I'm great at impromptu. If I have a basic outline but allow for spontaneity, in what I write or speak, it comes off as more natural and convincing. Usually.

But not today. Anything off the agenda just feels like gasoline on a fire.

I just looked back and realized that all but two paragraphs (including this one) started with the word "I". I'm trying to gain a sense of myself and it's not working out well.

I feel like the person Nick Drake is singing about (who I listened to all day long, by the way) - somebody left hanging on a star. And sometimes I just feel like my grasp is slipping.