"The fall will probably kill you..."

Maybe it's the time of year, but I was thinking about fears yesterday.

My theory about fears is that they are mostly irrational and improbable. However, that arguably leaves a door open for fears to be partly rational and possible.

A few months ago, my 3 year old nephew told me he had a nightmare whereby he had to fight off a dragon. To him, dragons are very real and a dragon attack is very possible. While I can't completely deny their existence, I have never seen one so I'm less afraid of having to defend myself.

As long as I can remember, my fear has been falling. It's not so much a fear of heights, as I enjoy going to places of high altitude. My fear is not being up there, per se, but dropping.

[Reminds me of the Ali line - I'm not afraid of flying, just of crashing.]

When I was a kid, my brother and I decided to explore the attic one day. He has about half a brain more than I do, so he made his way across stepping on the wooden beams. I , however, only saw a "floor" and started to make my way across. On my first step, I was introduced unceremoniously to sheet rock and fell through, barely grabbing a wooden beam as I dropped through the ceiling.

Granted, I didn't have far to fall - maybe 15 feet. I don't think I was in any real danger until my dad came home and found a rather large hole above the garage.

Ever since then, falling has been my biggest fear. It's lesser gradation, jumping, is still paramount, but not as threatening. For that exercise, I have a certain amount of control. And now, about the only time I'd take a leap is into deep water, which is enough of a thrill rush for me.

Somewhere in the middle is the Tower of Terror. I have control in that I begrudgingly choose to stand in line and strap myself in the elevator. I lose a certain amount of control in that I have no idea how many times the elevator will rise and drop.

I've been looking at pictures of Big Bend National Park the past couple of days. One I saw was taken at the very edge of the South Rim looking straight down.

As it was a very clear picture, my mind's eye was able to vividly imagine I was on the rim's edge. Suddenly, I saw myself stumbling on a rock or loose shoelace and falling right over the edge. Like I said, it's not the height. That specific dropping sensation appeared in my belly and my pulse quickened until I realized I was quite safe in my house.

While other situations (a mortal car accident, a mugging, etc.) are everpresent and indeed possible, I can't say that they rise to the level of actual fears.

I'm either naive or still need a brain just to be a half-wit.