Not Helping Myself Out

As fascinating as it is to ponder another's sexuality, I honestly don't have any idea what difference it makes at the end of the day. I wish we, as a society, could remove sexual orientation from every facet of life. If I don't find you attractive, please don't hit on me. And if you're the same sex but still want to hit on me, I may be flattered, but won't be interested.

True story. Several years ago, Melissa's friend from high school was visiting town so we took him out. After dinner, he wanted to hit a gay bar for little bit. I didn't want to hit gay bar any more or any less than I did any other bar but I was fine. As sat down at our table, Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like A Woman" was playing. I'll admit, I enjoy that song. It's catchy, it's fun, and may I dare say it's bit sassy. I began to sing out the chorus, but just meant for just my group. At the same time, some guy wearing tight jeans and a tighter t-shirt walked by, made eyes at me, and approached our table to size me up. I couldn't grab Melissa quick enough and make it know I was with her. True story.

The tv in the computer room where I've resided the past couple of nights has been tuned into Turner Classic Movies.

Last night it was West Side Story; tonight, it's Up in Arms with Danny Kaye and Dinah Shore.

I find it genuinely upsetting that people regularly hide, because others may not accept, an orientation that defines everything from how we dress and act to who we spend our lives with.

And since I don't care who is and who isn't, my topic tonight is Who We Thought Was, But Maybe Isn't.

At the top of the list - Me.

I've been cursed with horrible nails my entire life. My cuticles dry quickly and crack frequently. I have white spots that milk and vitamins do not cure. So when I was in college, I began to visit a manucurist. She was hot and only charged $10. What 23 year old wouldn't want an older blonde massaging his hands and paying attention to him for thirty minutes? Hello....

Continuing - when I lived in Portugal in my early 20's, I followed the custom of the European men and carried, well, it was called a bolsa, but Americans would call it a purse. And yes, I do remember the Friends episode where Joey carried a similar accessory. When I came back to the United States, I continued to carry my bolsa around the college campus and to my first place of employment after that. Never being one to care what others think or to change my actions because of another's judgment, I carried my accessory and pitied their narrow mind.

After Melissa and I dated then got engaged, she confessed that she thought I was more apt to share a life partner than a wife. In her defense, her high school boyfriend not only came out of the closet when he was in college, he won't even hang his clothes in one now.

So I ask myself: what would I think of a single guy who got manicures and carried a purse? Oh, and loves to cook and wears pink shirts. And watches musicals. The list goes on and on, doesn't it?

Up next: Danny Kaye. I have no first hand proof whether he preferred men or women. He's a decent actor and that's all that matters. But, man, could he dance.

Being only familiar with his work in White Christmas, I looked up his biography. I was unaware that he was married for 47 years to one woman and fathered a child. I was genuinely shocked. But then, it's not any more proof than what Kelly Preston or Katie Holmes could provide me with.

I also found out his wife pulled double duty as his manager. So while I may point out the obvious conflict of interest, it doesn't really doesn't make me enjoy his movies any more or any less.

As a prologue to all of this, I caught a small segment on CNN reporting about how a rising percentage of married couples don't have any interest in having a family at all. In fact, there are dozens of websites and subscription journals for family-less couples who wish to socialize with other family-less couples. That's fine, it's their option. Just not mine.

But my main question is this: if recent pro-family legislation has been passed with the underscore than marriage is for the benefit of procreation, what do we do with these heterosexual couples who have take that option off the table?